Dear God

Dear God, is it too much to ask for a regular night's sleep schedule in my life?! This insomnia trip I'm on is really starting to get to me. How can I get to church tomorrow (well actually, later today now) if I can't get some sleep tonight?! Please! I'm begging You to have mercy & give me sleep (more than the standard 2 hours a night I've been getting). My days are wasted in fatigue & naps & my nights are wasted begging for sleep. :-( I can't keep living like this and being totally useless because I am too tired ALL the time to do ANYTHING! I'm getting very frustrated and angry about this. So, please God, let me sleep again. I can't function without rest and it's making my already crappy body crappier. It's killing my attempt at diet & exercise, as well as robbing me of my church attendance and any hopes I might have of keeping my housework done, and have any social interaction that doesn't involve the Internet because when I am awake--like NOW--the rest of the people in my social circle are ASLEEP! You let me have lupus, for reasons only You understand, must you also plague me further with insomnia that makes my lupus kick into action because I'm so overtired, the slightest of activity makes me ill. Please show me mercy and cast this insomnia from my life. The doctors & I have tried everything in our earthly arsenal to combat insomnia to no avail. So now, I know only Your hands can lift this veil of chronic fatigue and insomnia from my life. AMEN  

Cold, Wet Weather is Not My Friend

It seems like everytime I start to feel better and am able to get up and about for a few days the weather turns cold and rainy and literally rains on my parade of feeling good.  Tonight I am in a great amount of pain.  I actually have tears in my eyes.  I am going to try to find a comfortable position and see if I can get some sleep because I have a ton of medical errands to run tomorrow.  (Remind me to share the funny story about finding a comfortable position tomorrow!)  I need to save any spoons I might waste on a good, witty blog post tonight for tomorrow.  I have to go on a quest for an oxygen machine for me to have to help me sleep at night since a sleeping test revealed my lungs are so crappy my oxygen sats at night drop to 52 because I breathe too shallow.  My insurance company feels the need to haggle with my doctors about their order for my oxygen machine because apparently I don't have enough problems in my life, I need to also jump through hoops to be able to breathe at night so I can actually get a decent night's sleep.  I also have to haggle with them about where to have blood drawn for labs that need to be run for my daughter.  Then I have prescriptions to pick up and have to meet with my daughter's primary care physician to get local referrals for the orders for her aquatic physical therapy, custom podiatry inserts, and neoprene knee braces that the specialist who is two hours away prescribed for her.  I have a feeling that before the day is over tomorrow, given my pain levels and severe lack of sleep, that someone at Blue Cross Blue Shield is going to meet my alter-ego, "Madea." Yes, for those of you just getting to know me, I have an angry, old-school, no nonsense, black lady that lives inside me and only comes out on occassions when I need to break my foot off in someone's rear-end to get things accomplished.  I just hope tomorrow is not the day "Madea Goes to Jail." LOL  Wish me luck!