Saturday, April 30, 2011

Overwhelmed and Overtired

My trip to the doctor Thursday confirmed that my lupus is indeed rearing its ugly head and having a wild rumpus in my body.  It appears my kidneys, lungs, eyes, and possibly BRAIN are under attack.  I really didn't think my brain could be affected, but the truth is I have been having some pretty scary episodes in which I find myself confused, unable to think clearly, remember conversations, and unable to locate things (like my vehicle at Walmart last week).  My doctor has ordered a CT scan of my brain to see what's going on in there since I have a history of TIAs.  SO in addition to my crippling insomnia, I also am experiencing vision loss and excruciating flank pain.  Oh and did I mention my joints are killing me and my hands, legs and face keep swelling up?  My short term memory prevents me from remembering if I already mentioned that I look like the Michelin Man unless I stay in bed all day.  So now I have to go back to my nephrologist, ophthalmologist, pulmonologist, and neurologist to try to get this under control. My kidneys hurt so bad that I very nearly drove myself to the ER this morning at 4:00.  I don't know what they could do for me, but this pain is becoming unbearable.  My life is like a saga of medications, pain, exhaustion, and doctor appointments.  So forgive me if I'm a little bitchy and withdrawn for a while.  It's driving me insane that my house is messy because I have a ten year old who can't seem to figure out how to put anything away and I've been too exhausted to clean.  Usually my husband helps with that, but he has been working out of town for the past three weeks.  I'm also still upset because the weekend before Easter my mom's dog (who practically lived at my house because we live on the same property) got hit by a car and I had to call the neighbor to come over and shoot him because he was suffering and couldn't be transported to a vet in his condition.  I really love animals and even though that dog was a royal pain in my ass, I loved the big dummy.  It feels weird everytime I walk outside and he isn't on my porch. Well, I'm getting really sleepy because I barely slept at all because of the pain last night, so I am going to spare you from any further complaining on my part (for now).  I'm going to try to catch a few zzz's because I really need to go to town today to get the supplies I need for my youth group's Mother's Day projects we are making Sunday night.  And if I feel like I can stay awake long enough I really want to go see Water For Elephants because I recently read the book and it was AWESOME.  But my narcolepsy makes going to the movies usually end up being an expensive, uncomfortable nap.  :-P

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